My Marriage and Rocky Start to Motherhood: A Testimony of God's Grace
With tears in my heart but a heart full of peace I said goodbye to my family and to my mother land. Never had I ever imagined I would leave my family and friends and my perfect surroundings to leave to an unknown land or to an unknown people. But God prepared me for this day and I have learned to grow in my loneliness and pain, actually I have blossomed because I have learned to draw my strength from my Father in heaven who loves me deeply and has a great and wonderful plan for me. I can tell you that He has a great plan for you too. As you read the pages of my life, I hope it will encourage you and guide you.
The plane ride was very long from Sri Lanka to Canada. People around me started to fall asleep; but sleep was nowhere near me. I was taking this adventure and my heart was beating fast and emotions of joy and sorrow were overflowing in me. I was talking in my head with the only One who can hear me and I was telling Him to be with me through this journey. I met Dilip in Sri Lanka a year prior – He was a strong handsome young man with a quiet spirit. As this was an arranged meeting, both of us shared what we would expect in our marriage. I had never had a boyfriend and when we were young no boy paid attention to me; they all paid attention to my oldest sisters. I prayed to God to send me the right man, and like Rachel at the well waiting and doing her daily tasks, I was going on with my life enjoying the single young days attending all the beautiful Bible study groups, singing in the choir and enjoying the youth in the church. I was looking after my sister’s first child and God was training me to be a mother someday which I didn’t know at the time.
I want to encourage any single lady or gentleman reading this testimony that God sees you. Keep on doing everything in excellence and God will reward you for your hard work and dedication. He sees your loneliness and pain and He will meet your needs at the right time.
So when I reached a certain age, my mother wanted to get me settled. She was looking for a partner for me - like Abraham was looking for a partner for Isaac. My partner happened to be someone miles away from home. But I was ready for this and I had matured in to this beautiful strong lady who knew to depend on her God. I didn’t know what my life would be like, but I trusted the God who was holding it.
I landed in Canada, a country not known to me. I started this journey by faith in God; I did not have a single dollar to my name; I only had my clothes. After I picked up my luggage, I exited the airport and saw my soon-to-be-husband Dilip, his mom and about ten to fifteen people waiting to greet me. I felt so welcomed and still to this date, his family loves me like I am their own. I am so grateful to God for His faithfulness to me that I found this wonderful family unknown to me but known to God.
God had a great plan and purpose for planting me in this family; it was so that I could bloom and bless them. We got married soon after and life was beautiful in Canada. God blessed me with a good job and in everything – including the beautiful wedding, the beautiful saree I wore, and the beautiful decorations. Around the time of our wedding, Dilip got chicken pox and had a big outbreak of it on his face. But I thank God that it didn’t stop our wedding or the plans God had for us. I looked so beautiful in my white saree as I came down the aisle holding on to Dilip’s uncle’s hand with tears in my eyes and my heart beating fast. I didn’t have a single relative in the crowd as my mother’s visitor application was rejected and she couldn’t attend our wedding. But I saw so many people loving me and accepting me to Dilip’s family. I only had a few church family members in attendance whom I had befriended - they were Uncle Leno and Aunty Lalitha – who I considered my spiritual dad and mom.
After we got married everyone was asking us when we would have children but it took about three years of waiting, praying and crying to God before I got pregnant.
I want to encourage anyone reading this testimony who desires to have children but is still in waiting. Don’t give up! Keep pressing on! Just like He did with Hannah, God will hear your prayers and give you a child. There is nothing impossible with God. Also, if you cannot have a child, don’t let anyone pressure you or put you down. There are many ways you can still fulfil the mother role in the life of a child; just open your will, heart and mind to God and He will lead you.
When it was time for the first ultra sound, my mother-in-law and I were waiting to hear what the technician would say. She asked me if I had any kids? I said “no, this is our first child”. She said “oh you are having twins!” My heart was overwhelmed with joy and my husband and I were so excited. My sister-in-law and family came from the USA for the birth of our babies. I was at the hospital to deliver the babies one month premature. I was told we were having twin boys!
At around 4 o’clock on March 8, 2007 our twin boys were born. Jason was 4.7 pounds and Daniel was 4.11 pounds. Since they were one month premature, the doctors kept them in the NICU. The next morning, still nursing my c-section wound, Dilip and I tried to visit our sons in the NICU, but we were told that the doctors were examining them. They told us that our son Jason had a heart condition and that they needed to take him right away to SickKids hospital. So with tears in our eyes, we went to see Jason who had tubes and needles all over his tiny body. They had even shaved his head. Seeing him like that broke our hearts, but our hearts chose to trust in God for His healing. We prayed and committed Jason into God’s capable hands.
So they took Jason downtown to SickKids and I was left with my other son Daniel in NICU. When I was discharged from the hospital, and I come home with no babies! One son was at Sickkids, and the other was at ta hospital close to home. I felt so heart broken. What a sad day it was! My heart was broken in to a thousand pieces. I went to Sickkids to visit Jason and I proclaimed to God His promises to bring him back to me.
I want to encourage anyone who had premature children or children born with defects or sickness. Waiting to take your baby home is very hard – but hold on to hope; one day you will get to take your baby home with you. And yes, you may question why you had a child with this condition - but don’t give up and don’t let fear and sorrow fill your heart. Remember there may be sorrow in the night, but joy comes in the morning. You are still a courageous mother. Don’t let anyone put doubt in your heart that you did anything wrong for your child to be a premature or sickly child. You are a good mother and God is with you and will give you the strength you need.
I was not able to breastfeed my twins as I was in and out of hospital and was not well settled. Not being able to breastfeed really made me sad. But I want to encourage the mother who will go through this path – it is not your fault! Don’t worry, there are so many other ways you can feed your baby. If one way doesn’t work, don’t worry, you will have other ways. I also encourage you to speak to God about your worries. For me, my prayers to breastfeed my children were not answered right away. But ten years later, God blessed me with my daughter and I was finally able breastfeed and bless her. So don’t feel bad, and don’t judge other young mothers; all mothers do the best they can and we need to support each other.
At SickKids I met many families who were on a journey like ours and we were in it together. The names I chose to give to my twin boys are: Jason, which means ‘God is my salvation’ and Daniel, which means ‘God is my judge’. I had great plans for them from the start, but God wanted me to fully trust Him and to show me that there is nothing that is impossible for Him.
Daniel came home after a week, but Jason was still admitted at SickKids – which meant we had to travel back and forth to go visit him. The doctors told us that they needed to perform open heart surgery on my 7-day old baby! They sent a priest to bless him and said that if you wanted to, we should baptize him as most babies who are as young as Jason was don’t survive open heart surgery. I declined their suggestions and told them that I believe in God and He would spare my son’s life. I said to them that Jason would go home with me and I would baptize and dedicate both my sons together. I can remember sitting in the waiting room, waiting for the doctors to come and give me a report of how the surgery went. They finally came out and told me that when they opened my son Jason’s heart, they were amazed to see that so many veins were taking blood to his heart – as if to compensate for the one artery that was absent! It was at that very moment that I was convinced that God knew my son Jason, and He created him to live and not to die. Had God not performed that creative miracle on him, Jason would have died in my womb.
After the first surgery, when I went to see Jason, I couldn’t recognize him. He was like a puffed up doll! He had retained so much water in his body that it took several days for him to get back to his size. My mother came to visit us and she helped us by staying with Jason overnight at SickKids – otherwise he would be all alone. Jason had another surgery at 6-months old – and this time round he recovered faster than his first surgery and we were finally able to bring him home. I had to give him blood thinners by needles and it was so painful but knowing that he was home with us brought me great joy.
I was thankful to God for saving my son Jason and though the road to recovery was not easy, we were thankful. It was so wonderful to have both my bundles of joy close to me. I noticed that even though Jason has gone through so much he has the best smile and he is always happy. Both boys were baptized and it was a day of triumph. But little did I know there was a long journey ahead of me….